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Vegans Against PETA
This is a blog for animal rights activists who are concerned about the misogynist, racist, homophobic and transphobic tactics used by PETA.   
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Vegan teens: Cute, but not smart?
Holy Isis, Sekhmet and Ra. PETA is totally targeting kids with their body-hatred tactics. But first, let me say that my friends and co-workers rule. They are always sending me great ideas for this blog, which prevents me from having to constantly wade through the dreck on PETA's websites. The times when I do have to be a big girl and look at their websites (which I will post about next) usually give me palpitations, so THANKS, y'all!

It is with this spirit of awesomeness that a friend alerted me to PETA's latest Hotness by Tofu contest. For the purposes of this blog, Hotness by Tofu will be PETA's tactic of banging people over the head with their opinion that veganism makes you HAWT!!!! And it is the only way you can get HAWT!!!! Today's totally transparent Hotness by Tofu tactic comes courtesy of PETA2, PETA's site targeted to high school and undergrad college students. (And if PETA reaching out to high schoolers doesn't scare you, then a career in running haunted houses is for you.)

Anyhow, here is the totally stupid bullshit that littered my friend's inbox earlier today:

Dear [Awesome Friend of the Empress Who Will Bring Us to Ruin]

I can hardly believe it, but it's time for our fourth annual Cutest Vegetarian Alive contest! We're on the lookout for the vegetarian guy and girl who get people's hearts racing — the two who use their cuteness to make the world a better place for animals. Does that sound like you? Well then, enter now!

Did you get that, y'all? "The two who use their cuteness to make the world a better place for animals." That's right folks, for us vegans, it's not about using your brain or your heart to make the world a better place! No sirree, it's all about how CUTE you are! And just think, while you're busy shopping for things to make yourself cute, how much you could be actually DOING for animals, or how much of that money could've gone to an animal rights group. Or wait, don't think about it. And never mind that you're probably not gonna win that contest if you have buck teeth, which can only be solved by certain animal-tested procedures. And never mind that if you're acne prone you're more likely to win if you've kicked that acne through use of animal-tested treatments, while that poor ethical sap who's suffering through it rather than line Galderma's pockets won't even make the first cut in this contest. Yes, folks, this is in fact what hypocrisy looks like. It is what hierarchical thinking looks like, it is what the cult of materialism and anti-environmentalism looks like, but it is definitely not what smart looks like. And vegans are smart. We've just got bad PR thanks to these clowns.

And honestly, what the fuck does "using your cuteness to make the world a better place for animals" even mean? You can't booby-flash the world into veganism, otherwise PETA totally would've accomplished that by now. And really, do teens even buy these stilted, overcompensating attempts at speaking their language or whatever? I mean, come on, at least say "I can't fucking believe it's the time of year for this goddamn contest again! Shit, where did the time go?" I would've loved that as a teen.

Speaking of vulgarity, next year me and my middle finger are totally entering the Sexiest Vegetarian Alive contest. With the words "FUCK" and "YOU" painted on my ta-tas.
posted by The Venerable Vegan Empress @ 6:11 PM  
  • At May 5, 2010 at 9:02 AM, Blogger Lauren said…

    It's that time of year again! I saw an ad for this stupid bullshit on Facebook and promptly wrote a very angry status message (It was way too long, maybe I should get a blog...) I googled the issue to try to find other vegans who were as outraged about their misogyny and body-hating as I was and came across your blog. I've come across your blog before looking for dirt on PETA, but never revisited. Great stuff!


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Name: The Venerable Vegan Empress
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If you have any ideas for an article here or would like to write a post, I'd love that! I work full time, volunteer and take classes at my city's university, so I don't work on this project nearly as often as I'd like. Just send me a comment with your contact info -- I approve all comments before posting, so if you include info that you don't want published let me know and I won't publish your comment.
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