| Saturday, May 23, 2009
| Dear PETA, nobody thinks you're funny except your mom. Love, Me
|Note: This post is more of a pet-peeves-about-PETA post than anything really horrible they've done. For once.
Ah, PETA. Right when I almost forget you exist, I open my email and lament to remember that you do, in fact, hog my air on a daily basis. (GET IT?!?! HOG?!?!? LOLOLOLOL....)
Now, if you think that joke was not funny, allow me to share an observation. PETA is also not funny. Well, unintentionally they are, but what I mean can be found in a recent entry from their blog:
Dear Furries, Please Don't Wear Real Fur. Love, PETA
Heads up, Pittsburgh: A menagerie of costumed wolves, rabbits, foxes, and other fake fauna are about to converge on your city.
And no, it has nothing to do with PETA.
Actually, it's all about Anthrocon—the world's largest "Furry" convention. OK, so if you don't know what a Furry is, I know you're dying to ask. In a nutshell, a Furry is a person who is totally into animal anthropomorphism (assigning animals human traits). I mean totally into it. We're talking loving fictional animal characters so much that they often wear mascot-like costumes of their fave animals (think Crayola-colored cheetahs in cargo pants).
Which is where PETA came into the picture. Don't get me wrong, we weren't trying to harsh their mellow. We just wanted to make sure that convention-going "Fursuiters"—as they like to be called—weren't parading around in the pelts of real animals. Here's the letter we sent to them:
(Scan of typical stupid PETA letter follows)
Now, I really love what happens next:
Real fur is frowned upon at all furry conventions, in the same sense that leaping in front of speeding locomotives is frowned upon at comic book conventions.
Samuel Conway, Ph.D.
Chairman and CEO
Note that the funny part of this blog entry did not come from PETA. Now, some of you may not be familiar with PETA's dumbass blog in which dumbass PETA supporters write about dumbass things. You are lucky. More to the point, however, this writing style and this type of dumb, pointless stunt is pretty much the norm on the whole blog. And it makes me want to rip my toenails out and throw them at Ingrid Newkirk. On the same page as this waste-of-money Furries stunt we see a preview for an article called “Pamela Anderson Bowls Over an Austrian Official – Then Has a Ball,” and another article opens with this slammin', sassy line: “There was no love lost between the Chicago Blackhawks and the Detroit Red Wings as they battled on the ice last night in game three of the Stanley Cup playoffs, but there was love in the stands during halftime when Jason Levy asked his girlfriend, Nicole Hughes, to marry him.”
I mean, really, PETA, really? I KNOW some of y'all read my blog – it's called a tracker, you see – and I was thinking maybe you could take a cue from me, or better yet from Twisty Faster or Melissa McEwan and actually be funny. Because if I have to be annoyed with your crap on a daily basis I'd at least like to be amused, or feel that your donors are getting a little something for their money other than the upholding of racist capitalist patriarchy. But if the only way you can entertain people is by being so ridiculous that they just make fun of you, what's the point? (And if you don't know that all people do is make fun of you, you clearly do not get PETA news alerts sent to your inbox. Or hell, you don't even read your own press releases.)
Perhaps I should be careful of how I word this criticism. I wouldn't want to wake up and find out that PETA has extended an offer to me to contribute to their blog because they're so desperate. That is, unless it's okay that my first post will be titled “New blogger/rogue vegan declares PETA a tool of the meat industry.” But don't get me wrong, I wouldn't be trying to harsh PETA's mellow or anything.
|posted by The Venerable Vegan Empress @ 8:11 PM